Keeping a Diary

Recently, I began keeping a diary - the kind of notebook where you spill your thoughts and share your feelings onto its pages. Just words. Nothing else.

The only other time I recall doing something similar is in my 2017 Hobonichi Techo, which feels like forever ago. It was the very beginning of my analogue journey in adulthood, where I recapped what happened during the day and wrote my heart out, whether I had a good day or a bad day.

I have already discussed my 2020 analogue system in a previous post, and that setup is still going strong. I just felt that something was missing from it. I first noticed this feeling when I realized how full my mind was, and how quickly it would race with various thoughts. I found it difficult to stay focused on any given task because my mind was all over the place, not knowing what to tackle next.

I discovered that meditating before bed helped. But then the incessant train of thoughts followed me around for most of the day, even when I came home from work. They mostly revolved around how I felt about the day, anxiety about the rest of the week, excitement for the weekend… all sorts of feelings.

For a time, I was afraid to admit I needed another solution. I already have a planner! I have a creative journal and a stress outlet in my hobby! I don’t need another notebook for something else, do I? The guilt of purchasing something else washed over me. I felt excessive. But as soon as I received the notebook and just started writing, the thoughts continued to flow. Almost three weeks later, I’m still reaching for it on a regular basis to fill a page or two each time. It’s a wonderful feeling.

I’m using the Cafe Note (B6 slim) by Nanami Paper for this purpose. Both the notebook and the brand are new to me, although they’ve been well-known in the industry for producing quality notebooks with Tomoe River paper that take fountain pen ink like a dream. Many people who have used a notebook from Nanami Paper are loyal, repeat customers who swear by their quality - some have been exclusively using these notebooks for years, turning them into their planners, creative journals, and a base for their written work.

I’ve only been using simple, beginner fountain pens - even then, the writing experience has been amazing. The one I use most often is the Pilot Kakuno fountain pen with the fine nib that I received in The Stationery Selection’s December 2019 box. The thinness of the nib lets me write on each line of the page without smudging the small empty spaces in my “a”s and “e”s (those of you with small handwriting can hopefully sympathize with me). At the same time, the nib glides over the paper effortlessly, which feels very satisfying.

Recounting the day’s events into a diary may feel repetitive to some, but it allows me to process the day in a different light. For instance, irritating things that occurred don’t seem as dramatic once I write them down - it helps me to be calmer next time when I develop similar emotions, and to remind myself that things don’t seem as bad as they appear.

As a child, diary entries were a part of my homework. I surprisingly (or perhaps unsurprisingly, knowing how much I love journaling now) didn’t hate recording what I did, but rather enjoyed the experience of writing neatly and coloring my admittedly terrible drawings. It’s funny to think back on it now, seeing how paper, pencil and pen all came full circle, and back into my life.

My plan for the near future is to keep this notebook out on my desk at home, so that it’s always there when I need it. I’ll also bring it outside when I can - to my travels and other peaceful places like the library in the above picture - to make sure that I always have a place to log my thoughts. I may go one step further and use it as a meditation journal, leaving it on my bedside table - we shall see if that ever happens, as I usually find it difficult to write at length anywhere else other than in a chair.

How long do I plan to continue this diary? I’m not sure. I like to think that not knowing is a part of the journey with a free-flowing diary like this one. It was added unexpectedly to my 2020 lineup in the first place, based on my own needs to write as little or as much as I want without judgment, without feeling the constant need to share. I’ll keep using it as long as it makes me happy. If I reach a point where I feel a diary is unnecessary or doesn’t suit my lifestyle anymore, then I can always repurpose the rest of the notebook with a simple tab to separate the contents. I’m trusting the creative process and seeing how the diary evolves over time.

As for the guilt of owning yet another notebook, it has mostly come and gone. What’s important now is that this setup is a core part of my self-expression, and the luxury of having entirely private pages has done wonders for my mind. Although this diary contains zero decorations, I’ve realized it’s still an effective self-discovery tool.

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